LoveOneAnother

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Reflection: Overcoming fears

What happens if a man comes up to you and pushes something that feels like a pistol barrel behind your back? He threatens you to hand over all your money and valuables. In return, he would spare your life. What would you do? How would you feel? Scared? Frightened? Definitely. But wait a minute, what if he did NOT have a gun after all?...

Life is about experiences. But some times, the evidences that leads up to that experience may not be real. For all we know, that may be a piece of round metal object salvaged from the garang kuni man. After all, guns are prohibited in Singapore. =)

I believe many have heard it said, that "Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real". I can't agree more.

Many think of me as a person who is musically inclined. Some friends have commented that they wish they could have a nice voice like mine or be as talented as me musically.

However, not many knew about my fears in this subject. Many did not know that I suffered from a severe form of low self esteem and that I was constantly tormented by negative thought patterns. An example of which are the following "You are stupid", "You didn't make the grade at piano", "You sing terribly", "You are NEVER gonna make it".

For a moment in time, though I have been serving for years as a vocalist in church, I bought into the lies that I was lousy in my art. All because of the times I sang off-key, was not able to project my voice, did not manage to harmonize well or get the key right.

The evidences were against me. Kind people have gently suggested to me how I can take my singing to another level. Phrases like "Open your mouth", "Throw your voice out" and "Do these warm ups" were common tunes to my ears. Feelings of inadequacy flooded my being as I compared myself with those whom I perceived to be more musically inclined than me. The evidences appeared real. I did sing the harmonization badly. I did have a weak vocal projection. The evidences were all so real.

However, when we take a step back, we would see that it's not what others say about us that matters. Rather, it's how we have always perceived ourself to be. Our self perception determines it all. And the right image that we can have of ourselves can only be revealed and released to us by God.

Others see me as talented. But I saw myself as rotten because of my experiences in life and the evidences that points against me. It was only when I received new insight from God that I was able to see myself as who God has made me to be.

At the end of the day, I learnt that it really did not matter how others see me. What matters is how God sees me. And whether I can see myself through God's eyes. If we know our position in Christ and how much our Father loves and accepts us, we would not worry about our future or suffer when others make comments about our ability. We will be able to face life with radiance when we know that the work we do is affirmed by God.

I share my story with joy. It brings me immense pleasure to tell people that I am beautiful and intelligent because God made me that way. I may not be as witty or as eloquent as this person or that person. But the abilities that I already possess is good and will be blessed by God for doing His works.

In 4 months time, I will sit for my first piano exam. I will be facing my now diminishing fear by tackling the giant ivory keys. My assurance is not in how much I have practiced or what my piano teacher says about my skills. But rather, my confidence is in my God who loves me and tells me that I am wonderfully made. My assurance is in what God says about me.

Today, if you are facing fears, remember that they are just false evidences appearing real. Look up to our Father who will give you the real evidence. You, who now is made an heir of God and shares in Christ's glory, are intelligent, beautiful and endowed with all good things that He has prepared for you.

May God bless you as richly as He has blessed me.

-Kelly (24 February 2009)

Labels: Reflections

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